The First Time

Poems and stories written by our chatroom friends who want to share their feelings

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The First Time

Post by JaneS » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:06 pm

The basket lid sits slightly askew
As an invite to what lies within.
So with trembling hands I lift it aside
And try to think how to begin.
With the bathroom door safely secured
I am safe from all those who’d condemn
My desires to address what I don’t understand
Yet I know is a need to feel femme.

I gently reach in to extract what I see.
There’s a bra, a light blouse and top.
As I dig deeper in I can feel my heart thump
But I know that right now I can’t stop.
Soon they are there, the spoils of my search
And my mind races quick to decide
What to try, what to leave and what’s gonna fit.
As my hand o’er the soft cloth I glide.

The knickers go first, that seems the best way
And then I try fasten the bra.
By my hands cannot reach all the way round my back
So that effort just doesn’t get far.
Then of course I work out the simplest way.
Is to do the thing up back-to-front.
So the hooks are enmeshed to the narrowest row
And I twist it around with a grunt.

I bundle some socks to put in the cups
To give my young figure a bust.
Then I slip on the blouse, which is just like a shirt
Now to do up the buttons I must.
But what’s this I find, that my fingers betray?
The buttons are on the wrong side.
Well that’s just plain silly, I really confess
But I manage them somehow, with pride.

So now comes the skirt, the final touch
And my transformation’s complete.
As I stare at myself in the mirror I think,
Overall I look pretty neat.
But it’s more than a look, it’s more how I feel
I’m empowered, I’m an equal and I’m me.
And for once I feel strong, I’m no longer afraid
Now I know this is how it must be.

From that tentative day I continued to dress
To soothe my hurt feelings inside.
But now that I’ve grown I no longer feel fear
And instead I am dressing with pride.
For I am who I am, that’s just how it is.
And life for me is now kind.
But I often think back to that scared little boy
And the days of pain left behind.

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Re: The First Time

Post by JaneS » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:12 pm

Sorry, I'll stick to the word limit next time. :)

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Re: The First Time

Post by Donnaolacey » Wed Mar 21, 2018 5:55 pm

So reminiscent of my own early memories. Back to young childhood. Growing up in a large family of 5 brothers and sisters in Catholic conservative Ireland, disclosure was not an option and discovery the worst imaginable disgrace. Although I am still in the closet, I do get the odd chance to be my other me or my full self. Hopefully someday I will find your courage. I don't want to become a woman I just want to be able to express myself fully

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