Just something I been writting.. Its not finished yet.

[Alisha_au]

Picking Our Life
By Alisha C

I sit in my dark room thinking about my life.
Who am I, How do I live my life, Who am I meant to live my life with, and I can’t seem to get the answer to these questions. My brain is at war with my life and every second I think, can my life be better or will I ruin it.

There is a saying that goes like “Just live your life and go with the flow” but my life has confusion and a battle every second of every day. I cry at nights under my blankets and feel I can’t go with the flow though I try as hard as I can I seem to lose the battle and die inside a little.

Why does the world look at me and see something they don’t like or don’t agree with? That is something I can’t answer for myself and it’s a constant war inside me when I think how people will react when I am out in the public.

I have sought out people’s advice on these questions and the answers I get trouble me more. They say “Just take a leap forward, it may hurt people around you but it will make you happy” this makes me think, am I put in this life to make a choice but to hurt people I love around me? Is that who I am as a person, should I follow the advice from a 3rd party? These just make my mind worse as I have even more thing’s to think about and I can’t stand it.

One may think the best way to escape a problem is by drinking it away or taking drugs, they may even go to the length of attempting suicide. All these things I am done and yet I failed at them all they seem to not work instead make it worse.

So how does one make life better? Do we just jump into the deep end or take it slow and take one step into the shallow end and go step by step further into the deeper end.

People say we have a choice, but think about that carefully. Do we really have a choice in how we live? Of course we do but in doing so we sometimes make the wrong choice and it can hurt people around you and even hurt yourself.

So if we thought to our self the choice we have made in our lives is right but others think otherwise what we do. Do we shut them out and tell our self we are living our life or do we let them speak and grasp what they have to say and listen to them and follow what they ask.

The big part of our lives is family, and our parents. When we are children they tell us what we can and can not do and we listen and we don’t have a choice but we get to an age that the Law says we have a choice. But what if at that stage in life your choices didn’t match to what your Parents or family want.

Do you decide to just not tell them till it’s too late or tell them and see what happens? What if they didn’t agree and told you not to follow through with the choices in your life what do you say and how would you feel?
We also think about the choices that our family have and whether we follow through with there choices in our life or we push through with the choice we make. The question comes down to what do you want in life but how can we truly answer that when family around us are trying to decide our lives?

When we think back in my life my parents would ask me what we want to be and we would pick something that is known to us like a Policeman/woman, Fire-fighter, and Hairdresser…etc but as time goes by we have more options in what we want to be and more choices open up till the point we have to make a choice one what we will be doing for the rest of our lives and at times it can impact your families life which will hurt your life and family members lives. What do we do? What can we do?