My feelings tonight spilled out onto the keyboard.

[ambersolaen]

All I want is to go back to the person I was.

The person who was happy with themself, oblivious to who they were.
The person who didn't have to hide or lie behind everyone else's back.
The person who was over with the anxiety the fears and the complications that life had already brought.
The person who never had to question who they were, what they were.

But I can't find that person anymore, he's gone and without him I'm scared.
So I sit at my desk and lay in my bed, confused of what the future will bring.
Confused of what my friends, my family and those around me will think.
Confused of where the road in my life will take me next.

I opened a door and now I want to shut it again, but the door will not shut.
She was what was behind that door and now, she's running the show.

I hate her so very much
I hate her guts
I want her gone.

So I lay in bed, crying to myself. Her whispers in my ear telling me that it is alright.
I refuse to listen, I don't want her in my life anymore. I want her out of me!
But I can't get rid of her, cause she is me now and there is nothing that I can do.

And I hate it. I hate it so very much.

[marissa_h]

thats very deep and i can imagine how you feel. thank you for sharing that. it helps me to know i am not alone. keep your chin up sister