Stuck?
Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:29 am
"I'm feel stuck between two places crushed." Those so intertwined with my life? The extension of other trans individuals, my family, my friends, my own health and future? It IS INDEED time to make a stand, but what do I believe. I believe that many trans people have gone through and often continue to go through a living hell to align themselves with function and purpose in this world, not to mention some vague semblance of acceptance. Why? Why is it so difficult to accept or embrace as a natural phenomenon that is thousands of years old? However, the stigma against US is as old as society itself. I want first and foremost to help others. At one point transition seemed utterly unfathomable to do solely for my own sake a benefit. I felt assured, somewhere inside my own intuition, that this was a battle that had chosen me. (not the other way around) I had to fight this, and help extend compassion and understanding to the greater community about this. Every attempt, every effort, every thrust and leaning towards this creating social upheaval around me, shattering misconceptions, and assumptions. I feel more some sort of social revolutionary than a humble girl. And that's what bothers me the most. Why? Why must we fight so hard the bigotry? I'm surrounded by imbeciles who hardly now the difference between cross dressers, transgender individuals and transsexual peoples. Spiritually, I feel that I owe it to the metaphysical family of mine who share THIS pilgrimage, to make strides, to assert our defense, our place in this world, and education against the naive bigotry that take the place of compassionate acceptance in our world today. I could bring my heart and all my love to the forest, to the church, to the temple, to family holiday dinner.... but is there not a reason for this firm knot of loyalty to the countless other like myself who struggle even getting out of bed, under the pressures of what they need to do. I desire for the whole, and demand an acknowledgement of gender transitioning and non-conformity as a deeply metaphysical process that should be respected and revered for the qualities of perseverance it requires to 'make it'. Perhaps I just don't want to feel alone anymore. A friend suggested to me that many cd/tg/ts individuals are only fighting for themselves...which led me to repress how strongly I feel about this... That we trans folk are more alike and have more strength through shared pain than what is granted us. Please, someone tell me I'm not just completely crazy...