Breaching the Barriers

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slomojoe
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Breaching the Barriers

Post by slomojoe » Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:05 am

My class of 15 was full of energy that day, and Linda was part of the reason why.

She was a woman in her late 50's, dainty and delicate, with a sunny disposition and eagerness to learn, despite her general dislike of most things technology related. I discovered that she was actually the sister of a colleague of mine, who also happened to be a wonderful lady. I guess that consideration and kindness must run in their blood.

As class progressed, she would bite her lip sometimes in frustration. At one point, I noticed her sigh resignedly as I was working with another student, so I walked over to her and looked over her shoulder.

"Whaddya have here, Linda?" I peered at her screen. She had done a number on it all right.

"I have...a mess. I'm just so terrible at these kinds of things, Sher. I don't know if I'm coming or going!" She screwed up her pretty face and glared at the monitor.

"Let's walk through this slowly..." I leaned over her shoulder and carefully stepped through the process for her until she had things righted.

"Oh that's not so bad!" she smiled, pleased with herself. As she happily poked away on her keyboard, she chirped a casual "Thank you, Ma'am." over her shoulder.

That was the first time I had ever been referred to as "Ma'am" in my class. It was like a bucket of ice water had hit me square in the face.

I should probably explain something. Due to many reasons, I had put off legally changing my birth name and gender marker. Due to this, I was still legally stuck with my very feminine original name, which I had shortened down to "Sher", which is now short for "Sheridan", my middle chosen name. It just kind of makes things easier all the way around for me.

This sometimes confuses people in my class. I'm very masculine looking, normally and the presence of the somewhat feminine name throws some folks. People usually sort of naturally avoid using gender-related pronouns when referring to me, simply because of the ambiguity I present. I've learned to cope with this and, to be honest, I don't freak out and instantly rush to correct people if they do happen to, on occasion, refer to me in the feminine gender. Making others feel awkward over something like this only makes me feel more awkward.

But being called "Ma'am" in front of a full class did sort of cause some angst for me. I let it roll down my back, though, because it was more a term of endearment from her than anything ill-willed.

I must have, unknowingly, sent off some signal however.

The next day I received a phone call from Linda asking me to join her for a cup of coffee, on her, during our break. The request struck me as a little odd, but she's a nice lady and I've never been known to turn down a free cup of coffee, so I headed down to the library cafe meet her.

After grabbing our coffee and settling in, she slid a small bag of chocolate covered coffee beans over to me. "I thought you might light these. I remember you mentioning that you liked them."

"Oh wow, that's really nice. I love them." I smiled and fingered the lavendar colored ribbon that held the top closed. "So what's this all for?" I asked as I looked up at her face.

"First of all, I just have to thank you for being so patient with me yesterday. You're such a terriffic instructor, really you are. Things are so much more clear now." she started.

"Thanks. It's always nice to hear something like that. You didn't have to get me coffee for it, though, you know." I smiled at her. "It is my job after all."

She gave me a nervous smile, then her face darkened just a little. "Oh, the coffee's for something else." She stiffened her shoulders a bit, sighed deeply, and then lightly slapped her palms against the table top. "I guess I just have to come out and say this, because I don't know how else do to it."

I looked in her pretty blue eyes and suddenly felt a little concerned at the tears that were welling up in them. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She drummed her fingertips against the table anxiously. "Yesterday, in class, I'm so sorry for calling you Ma'am. I just really have to apologize to you. This ate me up all night last night. I would never purposely do anything to disrespect you and I hope you know that. Using that term is a habit of mine and I just wasn't thinking...."

"Linda..." I said quietly as I reached out and touched her hand. "It's really okay. I know you weren't being hurtful. You don't have to apologize, but thanks for doing so anyhow."

"I just...I know how hard it can be for people like you..."

"People like me?" I smiled softly at her and arched an eyebrow.

"Yes, you know....people in transition. I understand how difficult it can be and I want you to be comfortable." She swiped a finger at the corner of her eye.

"Well, that's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me here. You didn't do anything wrong, though. I'm really okay with it."

"So you're not mad at me, then?"

"No, not at all! Why would I be?" I chuckled lightly. "You made the class a great one!"

"It was pretty fun, huh?" her face brightened a little. "So I guess now I can ask you about something work-related, then, right?" she laughed.

I was happy to switch the gears into less personal ground. We talked for a few minutes about work and then made our separate ways.

As I mulled our encounter over that evening, at home, a few things really came full circle for me. Most notably, that we transgender folks have more allies out there than we may realize. At a minimum, most people really don't care about whether you're gay, or straight or trans, or purple polka-dotted, as long as you don't potentially pose a threat to them somehow. At the very best, there truly are people out there who are perceptive, sensitive, and compassionate to the well-being of others, just naturally. These are the people who I not only like to surround myself with, but who I really strive to be more like, myself.

Sometimes, something that seems relatively small and insignificant can be the catalyst to something remarkable.

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