Transgender Forum

Preface: I have been having a really hard time with dysphoria and such lately, so my boyfriend suggested that I write stories, poems, songs, etc. to help me along when I am feeling particularly awful or lonely or what have you. They do not have titles. This is day one. Well, night one.

I try so hard to force the words
but they stick in my throat like
flies on the wall, watching silent
with a thousand different eyes.
The possibilities cascade, away,
far away from my lips and ears
and nestle comfortably behind my eyes.
In front of those dilated spheres
is something beyond my lack of
vocabulary, lack of expression,
lack of emotion. Well, not emotion.
Though I cannot, will not, feel it,
it is something too deeply settled
inside of me for words. No matter
how hard I push, they push right back
with their absence. And the presence
of the silence that tears me into
the smallest of fractions is reflected
from the mirror and back into those
thousands of fractured eyes.

Powerful stuff, Kota.

I can identify with the struggle of trying to identify what I am feeling through words that are too taboo to be even thought, never mind spoken.

It just doesn't go away. The push becomes stronger & stronger until something eventually breaks. If we are lucky, it is our resistance that breaks, not our selves.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts

Tessa

indeed powerful my words are always stuck and any situation i seem to never be able to voice my opinion or stand up to those that throw me down eventually twisting my silent mind into something I cant even identify except to say dark the only way i can vent is and poems or songs.