Learning to Forgive My Biological Self
Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:47 am
Learning to Forgive My Biological Self
I’m too tall to be a girl. My shoulders are too broad, my hands are bigger than I would like and MY GOD! MY FEET! Bilbo should have such feet.
I was born biologically male but with a female psyche. For a long time I fixated more on the body and tried to run from my mind, but neither one is going away and both those actions only caused me constant pain, nothing more. The short list I described above (and I assure you it could be longer) is things I could fixate on still, be miserable and curse the universe for those things I can never change. But where does that get me? Nowhere good and that’s the honest poop.
I’m 6’1”. Tall for a girl to be sure and I often find myself the tallest person in the room which made me feel as though I should wear a beacon, or at least a red bandana, to warn off low flying aircraft. At a time when I had much less confidence and only wanted to not be noticed I was like the flag on a wheelchair. Yep, here I come. But in reality don’t a lot the girls want to be model height?
I could fixate on it but who wants to look at a girl with bad posture and looking for the lowest terrain feature to stand in. I’m tall and with that come advantages. I can usually see the parade. I can reach the top shelf, which is really handy, and it’s awesome for when I’m decorating. Rarely do I ever need a step stool. I get to refer to myself as statuesque instead of vertically challenged and now that I have confidence and feel no need to hide, my height says for me without uttering a single word “Yep, here I come.”
Yeah, the broad shoulder thing and larger hands I could do without, (Still looking for those practical uses), but what woman or man, transgender or cis, doesn’t have an aspect or two that we are not totally happy with? You just gotta move on and chalk some things up to what make you unique and not a cookie cutter product of a media driven, image obsessed, throw away world.
(part II below)
I’m too tall to be a girl. My shoulders are too broad, my hands are bigger than I would like and MY GOD! MY FEET! Bilbo should have such feet.
I was born biologically male but with a female psyche. For a long time I fixated more on the body and tried to run from my mind, but neither one is going away and both those actions only caused me constant pain, nothing more. The short list I described above (and I assure you it could be longer) is things I could fixate on still, be miserable and curse the universe for those things I can never change. But where does that get me? Nowhere good and that’s the honest poop.
I’m 6’1”. Tall for a girl to be sure and I often find myself the tallest person in the room which made me feel as though I should wear a beacon, or at least a red bandana, to warn off low flying aircraft. At a time when I had much less confidence and only wanted to not be noticed I was like the flag on a wheelchair. Yep, here I come. But in reality don’t a lot the girls want to be model height?
I could fixate on it but who wants to look at a girl with bad posture and looking for the lowest terrain feature to stand in. I’m tall and with that come advantages. I can usually see the parade. I can reach the top shelf, which is really handy, and it’s awesome for when I’m decorating. Rarely do I ever need a step stool. I get to refer to myself as statuesque instead of vertically challenged and now that I have confidence and feel no need to hide, my height says for me without uttering a single word “Yep, here I come.”
Yeah, the broad shoulder thing and larger hands I could do without, (Still looking for those practical uses), but what woman or man, transgender or cis, doesn’t have an aspect or two that we are not totally happy with? You just gotta move on and chalk some things up to what make you unique and not a cookie cutter product of a media driven, image obsessed, throw away world.
(part II below)