So You Want To Be a T-Girl (Chapter 3)
The article "So You Want To Be a T-Girl: A Realistic Guide to the Transitional Journey" was contributed by Anonymous, and copyright remains with the author.
PHASE III – STEALTH IS AN ILLUSION
We all want to believe, especially in the beginning, that there is an end to this journey, a perfect world, a land of milk and honey, and an end to all of our problems. That just isn’t true.
Let’s just start with something simple… life in general. How often do any of us human beings reach a nirvana? How many of us fulfill our destiny, reach our goals, and achieve self-actualization? In all reality, none of us. And that is easy to lose sight of for a Sister. Our journey is fraught with so much more danger, more hurdles, more obstacles, heartache, and pain, that we need to know that there is an end to it all. I am here to tell you that there is no end to it, just as in anyone’s life. As soon as one need is met, another instantly rises to take its place. And this is something that all 6 billion people on this planet have to deal with. And simply put, so do we.
But the illusion specifically associated with us is that we will reach this magical place where we become women and the world leaves us alone to be one. Well, first of all, you are either born a woman or you are not… you do not become one. If that is your goal, then slip on some pantyhose, wear a dress, change your name, and your troubles are over.
This third and final chapter, this final destination for us Sisters, is full of repetition, so bear with me on this… there is a method to the boring madness this book continually throws at you. And honestly, that is the point. You will see. This book is designed to be read just at is appears; in three chapters as each one of us enters each of the three phases a Sister deals with in life. Though I can safely assume that it is being read by more than Sisters, and that all three chapters are being read regardless of which phase they are actually in right now, this final chapter is a recap of the first two simply because as stated before so clearly; your problems never go away, they simply change form a bit. They usually appear in life less often, but have more serious repercussions when they do. So let’s move on.
Just Exactly What is a Transsexual?
The only safe, and simplest, answer to the question of what defines a transsexual is that a transsexual is defined as a woman’s brain born into a male body. Simple, accurate, defining, but open to so much interpretation that such a statement can only serve to bring up an endless amount of questions, research, and argument. So… we have a minefield on our hands. Let’s tip toe through it a bit as there are major points necessary to discuss if you have come this far in your journey, or hope to one day.
Some people think that counting us is easy… just take the number of people that have had a sex change operation and be done with it. There are two major flaws in this logic. One, not all transsexuals have the means to get GRS. Think about it. How many of us exist in third world countries where just obtaining the next meal consumes all time, energy, money, and means. In reality, the vast majority of us are so poor, and so uneducated, that GRS is not only a dream that can never be fulfilled, but simply unimaginable. I seriously doubt that a third world Sister has access to things like the internet, this book and thousands like it, an understanding therapist, hormones, and all the complicated procedures associated with the change. But all this aside, there is another major flaw in this line of thinking…
You can install a vagina on a watermelon, but that does make it a transsexual, and that does not make it a Sister.
GRS is routinely performed on people, actually. It isn’t that complicated a surgery. In the womb, sexual organs are created, and then they are turned into either male of female parts. Nature creates variations of a theme, it does not create males and females. It is we humans who define the sexes. So the GRS is just another variation, albeit a variation performed by other humans, of the sexes. Just because someone gets GRS, that does not in itself create a female. GRS is an extension of the being, and just a reversal of what happened in the womb. No female can be created, a female is born, with or without a vagina, period.
But the truth of the matter is that men who wish to wear the ultimate female accessory, a step above make-up, jewelry, and dresses, can buy a vagina. All they need is money and a few letters from an industry that caters to them. Follow a few simple rules, save enough money, and you can install a vagina on anyone, male or female. So how many people like that exist? If you like or need statistics, there are people who can give you the answer to this riddle, and they do in private under the right circumstances, but by doing so publicly, they risk their very jobs and future incomes. And honestly, a real Sister does not want this. Why? Because exposing the frauds out there jeopardizes the system that allows them to fulfill their own destiny. So, the dirty little secret of the GRS exists alongside every other paradoxical system common to a free society, just as does the hidden truth about elderly doctor assisted suicide, legal loopholes that allow real criminals to go free, and shady business practices that benefit us all, from the common man who benefits from a strong economy to the CEO who legally steals billions from a company he heads. We all put up with certain contradictions and hypocrisies as long as in the long run, they benefit the many and not the few.
As a result, men with vaginas exist. And so do real transsexuals who toil away in distant rice paddies and deserts tending oxen. That is reality. But why is all this important to you? If you are thinking that a wonderful life exists with no ties to your old world, where you can hide as the woman you were born to be with no negative influences, think again. Outside of the fact that a transsexual cannot easily be defined, and outside of the fact that men can buy a vagina, a true Sister still is difficult to define, and her existence is still fraught with many obstacles.
And in this journey, especially when we reach this part of it, we need to know that we are not alone, that others have made it, that others have gone before us and have survived. So we ask the questions; what is a transsexual? Who are they? Where are they? How have they made it? What is there secret? Well, the answer does not exist in plain black and white, in simple language, and we are not easily defined. The entire medical, psychological, and scientific community can debate all day long and never come up with an answer, and a real Sister could care less. Here is your answer… no one can define a transsexual, no one can define a Sister, but one Sister knows another, and that is all that matters to them.
So how many of us exist? We will never, ever know. Not with all the studies and docudramas in the world. You see, a real Sister is just a woman, not a transsexual. The term “transsexual” only defines a person who has been known to change sexes, or who has begun to live as the opposite sex. If someone knows these things about another human being, then they are a transsexual. A Sister is a woman, pure and simple, and she lives her life as a woman, with no other label other than that of a woman. A Sister is the last person in the world to stand up and be counted. That would ruin the illusion of stealth.
So here we are, in pursuit of the coveted stealth. We were born into a world in the wrong body and we knew it from first memory. The truth was beaten out of us, by parents, siblings, society, and even ourselves, until we forced our dark reality into a recess rarely or never acknowledged. We created a house of cards where we over compensated to hide who we were. We drove trucks and spit, allowed testosterone to ravage our bodies, and wasted our lives in one big lie. Then one day it all falls apart and we embark on a long and dangerous journey towards a destiny that is a birthright, and we attempt to change sexes.
Many of us don’t make it. Many of us were never meant to make it, just one unique sexuality which exists on the long line of human sexuality that is virtually different for all six billion people on this planet. Some are killed, some commit suicide, some fade back into their old world, and others trudge on. Those that get through the absolute trauma of the initial transition go on to experience the long, and often never-ending transition where stealth may or may not be an option. Some of them commit suicide, some of them fall into a small and dark existence, and some of them simply live openly as a transsexual. And yet, still others move on to this, the final step, that of stealth.
Well, stealth is an illusion. And a much more realistic way to put it is that we live in constant pursuit of stealth, or at the very least, the constant maintenance of the illusion of stealth. That is where the rest of us end up.
Now, the question is, how do we reach this mythical place? Well, after you go through the first two phases this book covers, the GRS is pretty much a necessity. Without it, you cannot change your birth certificate, and without a female designation on your birth certificate, you can never hide your past.
The GRS is not the end game, but it is a necessity just the same. The obvious reasons include having the ability to change your drivers license in any state at any time, being insured medically as a woman, as well as being insured as a woman for auto insurance and life insurance. Other handy little things simply fall in line after that, such as getting a passport, or being able to legally marry. Almost everything you are on paper can be changed once you have changed your birth certificate. But even this only protects you to a point. We will cover that later on. Let’s talk a bit about that GRS first.
We already know that the GRS can be given to a longshoreman or an interstate trucker. GRS alone will not stop the oppressive nature of society unless you pass anyway, but it sure helps. For instance, no longer will you have to explain yourself in a bar. No longer will you have to explain yourself to a potential lover or mate. And no longer will you have to settle for a life limited to a few select, understanding lovers who are obviously dating you for the wrong reasons. And this is huge, really, it is.
The changed documents proclaiming you as a woman can be held up like a shield in battle, deflecting all the pain and suffering you have felt up to now. Who cares if they suspect? Who cares if you still have all these leftovers from your old life such as broad shoulders, a deep voice, or a strong chin? They can say or suspect anything they want, right? You have a birth certificate that proves you are a woman! And the plumbing to back it up! Well, of course you do. But honestly, if they suspect, then they suspect, and little has changed. You will still be made fun of, your dating life will still be limited to a select few, the best you can hope for is still tolerance, you may still find that getting or keeping a job is difficult, and yet life goes on. The same problems you have always known and struggled with still exist, only now altered a bit. Now you have a shield to throw up, that is for certain. It helps, and if you want to go stealth, it is an absolute necessity. But just as many women who have had GRS commit suicide as do those who have not, and though we will discuss this fact in detail later on, the biggest mistake you can make is to assume that once you install a vagina on yourself and change your birth certificate that you are safe. This is simply not true.
Let’s first discuss the changing of the birth certificate. You have to have your birth certificate changed in the state that you were born in. You need to research this a bit yourself, but some states simply issue two birth certificates, some issue a rider to be stapled to your original, so the original still exists and can be readily accessed by literally anyone, and some states issue a second birth certificate and seal the original away. And as good as this is, or as good as any of it may sound, anyone wishing to probe a bit into your past will find out the truth. And some states actually issue a second birth certificate and destroy the original, definitely minimizing the problem of a curios or malevolent search on your background. And I could list what states do what when it comes to birth certificates and the GRS, I know you are extremely interested in what yours says, but honestly, that information changes rapidly, sometimes back and forth so rapidly, that it would be pointless to print it here. Do a little research, such information is easy to find. Just be aware that most states do not destroy the old one, so before you get all excited because you have already scheduled your surgery, just be aware that the biggest obstacle to stealth may always be there, lurking in the background, waiting to once again destroy all you have so carefully built.
So now that we have discussed that, let’s move on to the surgery itself and dispel a few myths. We already covered how if your body gives you away now, it will after the surgery too. But this point needs to be expanded upon. Really, it does, it is very important.
I will start this lesson in your new life by repeating the most important message this book has to offer… if you need clothes to be a woman, you are not. And by the same token, if you need a vagina to be a woman, you are not a woman, but you are very, very stupid. And reckless. And naïve. There is only one reason to get the surgery… women do not have penises.
What on Earth does this mean? Well, that is a question with a long and complicated answer, so let’s get started, but I warn you, you should know where all this is leading anyway,
If you have done everything in your power and personality up to this point, and got through the first two phases of this journey, you already pass, or will pass as good as you are ever going to pass. GRS and an altered birth certificate change absolutely nothing for you whether you get pegged as a guy in a dress constantly or not. Before your surgery, you had a female name. Maybe even an “F” on your drivers license. And before your surgery, you wore very tight jeans and shorts, and could spread your legs on a bar stool and show everyone that you in effect, did not have a penis. You tucked it then, as uncomfortable physically and mentally as that was, but for all practical purposes, the world assumed that you did not have a penis. They didn’t know. What most T-girls fail to realize is that even after your surgery and changed birth certificate, they still don’t know. Getting the surgery will not make up their minds. I mean, are you going to tell them? No, you are not. You want stealth, so you don’t tell anyone that you once had a penis and tucked it, but now you have a vagina and don’t have anything to hide. In this respect, nothing changes. They didn’t know then, and they don’t know now. If they suspect you now, they will suspect you after the surgery. Believe it or not, women get the surgery thinking everything will change, and still end up with the same chances of committing suicide as a girl who just started her transition.
And let’s take the sex thing. A man who loves you, or simply makes love to you, whether his penis is inside your anus or your vagina, still pretty much feels the same. It feels the same physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. Odd statement? No, not really.
If you feel like a man when a man (or woman) makes love to you now, then you will feel like a man when a man (or woman) makes love to you after GRS. We are under no illusions about certain things when it comes to sex, but a Sister simply deals with it differently. We can make love to someone while still having a penis and little matters to us. It has the same nerve endings in it now as it will when inverted, and under any circumstances, it is a pleasure during sex. Yet many women refuse to have sex until after the surgery. What are they afraid of? That as long as they have it, they are a man? Women are born, not created. And some of us are born with a penis. Others can’t stand to use their penis during the act of sex. What are they afraid of? That if they allow a man (or woman, remember) to touch it, that they are a man? Well, a fine line here, but a line just the same. If you insert your penis into a man, you most likely are not a proper candidate for surgery. But having a penis, and using it during sex is a reality that we all go through. To a Sister, it is who and what we are, a woman born with a penis, and nothing more. There is no shame in having sex prior to surgery, or allowing it to be used during sex, and we can still feel like the women we were born to be while on our hands and knees and the damned thing flops back and forth during the act.
It is a nuisance and creates many of our worldly problems, that is a fact. And like all women, a Sister has limits to what she will and won’t do in bed. I personally do not think a Sister exists that will penetrate a man, but honestly, during sex, their penis is almost a non-entity. A woman makes love as an extension of her being, a man has sex because he likes sex. Outside of a few laughs here and there, a Sister describes sex with her lover the same way a genetic girl does. She appreciates the tenderness, the closeness, the sensuality, the deeper meaning of two human beings becoming as intimate as possible, sharing their bodies in an act of passion. To a woman, sex is an extension of their feelings for their partner, an emotional release for themselves, and a powerful and joyful exchange of romance and endearment between two animals of higher conscience. The act loses none of its power if you have a penis. If you are conscious of the fact that you have a penis during sex more often than not, you are most likely not a good candidate for GRS. In a nutshell, a man on top of you making passionate or wild sex feels almost exactly the same whether or not you have a penis, physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually. If you need GRS to feel like a woman in bed, you are not a woman to begin with.
Now, we have spoken a lot about “needing to feel like a woman” in several aspects of the transition and have determined that women are born and not created. Even the ultimate female accessory, the vagina, will not in itself create a woman. But what about wanting to feel like a woman? Well, if you have not figured it out by now, you have not been paying attention. Many men flirt with transitioning, and do in fact start the transition, and even think they have completed the transition with GRS, but commit suicide anyway. Why? Often because they are men.
All men, and I mean all men, want to feel like a woman, and try it to some extent over the course of their lives. Most will crossdress, most will have anal sex with men, inanimate objects, and even women adorned with strap-ons. Some go so far as to try on make-up, others venture out as women from time to time, and some venture out as woman often. But all men sooner or later want to feel like a woman, and it usually starts around puberty as they fumble through their sisters’ panty drawer. And some men take it further. They get on hormones, now readily available to them, and they remove their hair, very often taking up bicycling or swimming so they can explain their shaved legs. And still others transition and within a year or two actually get the GRS. It happens all the time. Now imagine these men after they realize that they made a mistake. It’s not like way back when, in the early days of the transition when 85% back out at some point along the way. These men have mutilated their pride and joy, all in a vain attempt to “feel like a woman”. They actually think that having GRS will literally turn them magically into a woman. It happens. A lot. And very often suicide is their only way out.
There is only one reason to get GRS and that is because you are a woman and a woman does not have a penis. Wanting the GRS, or needing the GRS, to make you feel like a woman, or more like a woman, is a disaster waiting to happen. I have never heard a Sister complain about her penis, or the fact that she does not have a vagina, a Sister simply wants to right a wrong, to correct a mistake, and to be as natural a woman as she felt from birth. No Sister wants GRS to become a woman, they have always known that they were one. From earliest memory.
So at this point in your life you realize that the bottom line on the surgery is that anyone can buy a pussy. You can install a pussy on a water buffalo but it does not make it a woman and it certainly does not make it a Sister. Yet it is routinely used by men as the ultimate “girl creating” accessory, as a sexual adventure, and as a tool to “feel more like a woman”. And though it is a necessity to a TS, it will not make them a woman, it will only complete them as the one they already are. Without it, stealth is literally impossible if you lead any semblance of a life at all. So you got it, and you are on your way, thinking now all your worldly problems have been solved. All you have to do is disappear. Not quite…
Life After the Transition and the Realities of Stealth
So just how do you go stealth? Well, that is easy… just simply live as a woman. But not so easy, especially in today’s world. Your life after the transition will most likely begin in a new town under a new identity in a new job with many new rules. These things are a necessity. You have to once again leave many things behind, but let me dispel a major myth about going stealth right away… it is very, very rare, and almost impossible.
Once again, no reputable statistics exist, and for obvious reasons. The whole idea behind going stealth is just that, to disappear and to dissolve into the world and never be known as a man, and ex-man, or a transsexual. These people simply live as women and will never stand up and be counted. The last thing they want to do is to discuss their past, join a group, be seen on a chat line, answer poll, agree to a census, or tell their life’s story. But they are rare indeed, and for two reasons.
For one, and again due to the secretive lifestyle we all embark upon from the very beginning, no real figures exist on how many of us never make it because of the trials and tribulations. The best statistic at hand is that about 85% of all who venture into this life go back. Of the remaining 15%, many are killed, many commit suicide, many live openly as transsexuals, many fade into near obscurity as transsexuals, and some fade in and out of stealth for a variety of reasons.
And the second reason that stealthy Sisters are so rare is that only a few actually reach the coveted stealth mode, and even here, suicide plagues us like a rampant disease. You can do your own figuring, your own research, and come up with your own numbers, but a completely stealth Sister is very rare indeed.
So how do we know they exist? Is there a secret club out there made up of successful, stealth-cloaked Sisters? Maybe, but the questions is, who would know the answer to that? The people who do, if such an organization exists, have every reason to deny its existence and not admit to membership. But there are Sisters out there, easily accessible to those in the know, who have been around for a very long time. Older Sisters, those who transitioned a generation or two ago, or the many early transitioners whose parents helped them to realize their destiny long before decades of testosterone poisoned their bodies, who guide and mentor that generation who is up and coming, and certain things are made clear to those in these circles. And one of these facts is that completely stealthy Sisters exist, in surprising numbers, when you take into account how many start the transition in total. They are there, and if they can be reached for comment, most would agree whole-heartedly with the majority of the concepts in this book. And yes, I have, I do, and I will continue to hear from them regularly as a direct result of this book.
But lets get back to the reality of living in stealth and why it is an illusion. I stated that living in stealth is more like constantly pursuing or constantly maintaining the illusion of stealth. Why is this so? The older generation of Sisters, those that transitioned decades ago, long before the age of computers and the internet, will attest to the fact that even back in their day, record keeping made complete stealth a near impossibility, but that it was entirely more conceivable than it is today. The reality of today’s world is that the age of information and telecommunications makes it almost impossible to recreate yourself in such a way that stealth is even a remote possibility. It simply cannot be done.
I can give you dozens of actual real-life stories to prove this, and many girls think that they have some way of beating the system and never have the reality of their past come back to haunt them. Well, the best of luck to you. It has come to pass that most legal transactions these days are legally displayed on the internet as public domain in some shape or form. That means that legal name changes and legal gender changes done in a court of law are immediately made public, and uploaded to the net so that anyone who knows how to use a search engine can find them. And it gets worse. One Sister was surprised to see the actual documents of her legal name and gender change on the net as if it the pieces of paper were taped directly to the screen. Another went to open a bank account and was told that a man was impersonating her and somehow stole her social security number. Another applied for a loan and had two names pop up on her credit report. In one particular case, a good six years after going stealth, a salesman at a phone store asked a Sister if her real name was a man's name, her old name, supposedly wiped from the planet six years ago... and this in a phone store! Not a bank or an auto dealership where one might expect a serious background check, but a simple phone store where all she did was buy another cell phone!The reality of today’s world virtually assures that no amount of information can be kept from the public. There is a multitude of city-wide, county-wide, state-wide, and nation-wide data bases out there that exist very quietly, and which are quite beneficial to society in general, but which can easily destroy a Sister’s life completely. And good luck asking a low level, underpaid, religious zealot government employee who has an endless chain of command that even they cannot comprehend to take down a legal document that millions of others out there also have on the net, just because you are now a girl.
And let’s not forget that the corporate world has just as many well-maintained and legal databases out there too, all which show a trail of name and gender changes. If you want to go back to school, you have your old grade school, high school, and college transcripts to explain. If you want to apply for a loan, you have to show a long credit history. If you sold a business, got married or divorced, had children, owned a house or property, filed bankruptcy, paid any kind of taxes, had any utilities in your old name… well, the list goes on. All the way back to your original birthday. Those women who will tell you that they completely wiped out their old trail are clueless. Just because they live in a secluded, small world where they never have to access these data bases does not mean that the information is not readily accessible to an employer, a bank, a credit reporting agency, the government, a potential mate, in-laws, or me.
And finally, let’s not forget 9-11. The new laws enacted to keep criminals and terrorists at bay are the same laws that make it so much more difficult for a person to change their identity today. And even though it can be done, the rules have changed a lot. Most government agencies, and most banks, courts of law, and in effect, most name changes on any level, require a trail of documents which can be traced back to the original owner. In other words, very few documents can simply be reissued without a record of why the new one is being created. And above all, I have never heard of two documents that can be completely changed or reissued… a social security number, and the DD214, a person’s discharge from the armed services. If either of these two documents can be changed without entering the witness protection program, I have yet to hear about a single case. The honest truth is that if you were born in the sixties or beyond, the odds that a record exists which proves your gender at birth is literally 100%. And the odds that you will run into this problem at some time in your new life is almost the same, and almost guaranteed. Stealth is an illusion.
But let’s say that it is possible, even though the vast majority of Sisters alive today transitioned in their 40’s and there are four decades of dirty little secrets out there to hide, right smack in the middle of the information technology revolution. But let’s just assume that it can be done. Well, fine and dandy for you… you spent an entire lifetime writing letters and making phone calls, and you are assured of your stealth. Now, the man you married is dead and he left everything to you, and your stepchildren come after you because you live in a state which does not allow two men to get married. The odds that you covered your tracks that well are virtually nil. Some clerk somewhere did not do their job, or some law somewhere (as in most cases) does not allow legal documents or financial records to be destroyed, only altered with an explanation. You will find yourself in a court of law defending your marriage in a public forum against the accusation that you were born a man. And they will have proof. There goes your stealth.
I know women who will swear that no one will ever know. Of course. I also know women who will swear that they are the Queen of England, too. Look, stealth, at least on this level, is a total illusion. You can do a lot to cover your tracks, and you should in fact do all you can. After all, the more time that goes by, the more you have to lose. But please keep your head in reality. If the warnings above do not convince you that stealth is an illusion, then remember the trips back home. Recall your children and siblings. Go to a family reunion. Go to your high school reunion. Go to a reunion of your old military outfit. Go to the barn dance in the town you grew up in. Go have an enchanting brunch with your ex. Change doctors or explain to the technician why you are getting a prostate exam, or take a job that requires a security clearance, get a passport, travel to another country, or get arrested for even the slightest infraction of the law. At any time, for any reason, and when you least expect it, your past can and will come back to haunt you. It is up to you how you handle it, and there are very creative ways to keep such things under wraps, even when blindsided by such a destructive force.
The first defense is the most obvious, and often, the most reliable… admit to the truth. These days it is not such a surprise to people. A banker will not even bat an eye when you explain that the “man” who is using your social security number was really you a decade ago. All they really care about is whether or not you have the documentation to prove what you are telling them. Most people simply do not care, and most of the circumstances are really so unimportant to your stealth that the truth cannot hurt you anyway. Other times, Sisters have explained such things by theft, by an evil brother, or cousin, or stepson, an ex, or even a dead ex.
But how do you explain the other things? The ones that don’t just creep up on you over the internet or when filling out legal documents? Things such as why your voice is so deep, or why your shoulders are so broad, or why your new vagina is not quite like all the others and requires such maintenance? Well, that’s easy, just get a bit more creative, that’s all.
And realize now that you are going to tell more lies, and honestly, they are going to be whoppers. Keep in mind that you spent the vast majority of your life telling thousands of lies, all in an effort to hide who you really were. And upon these lies you built a life that came crashing down like a house of cards the day your bell went off. And then, you told more lies, to employers, men in bars, and people you met every day. You once again created a house of cards, this time based on one, single truth, that you were a woman born into a mans’ body. And that house of cards came crashing down on you many, many times, didn’t it? And here you are now, with your new vagina and birth certificate in hand, thinking that you never have to tell another lie. Wrong hon, you are going to tell some whoppers now. And you are about to embark on a trail of lies that you will have to carry around with you for the rest of your life.
All sisters have something to explain to someone. If it’s not the simple but embarrassing explanation at a doctors office or a bank, it will be to the man you are dating, in love with, about to marry, or have been married to for years. Is all your hair and beard gone? All of it? Or how about those pesky doctors visits or prescriptions for female hormones? Let’s face it, the more intimate you are with another human being, the more questions are destined to arise. And the longer it takes for them to arise, the more you have to lose. But they will arise. And there is one problem that cannot be easily explained… that of your store bought vagina.
It is not the same as the others he/she has known. It requires odd maintenance. It does not feel/react/act the same. It is abnormal. Now I will admit that due to advances in the GRS procedure, there can be little to defend, but coupled with the questionable past, the lack of family or old friends in your life, the rough beard patches, the deep voice, and broad shoulders, etc., questions will arise about your new vagina from someone you live with or see regularly. How do most girls handle it? They simply reinvent themselves all over again.
Sisters usually react defensively to such obvious problems with a strong offense, a time tested and honorable way to deal with any problematic situation. They invent, borrow, or somehow associate themselves with medical problems closely associated with gender disorders, usually they say, which have plagued them from birth. We go so far as to get medical backing from sympathetic doctors, and even go so far as to stretch the truth to a new doctor who does not have the advantage of knowing us for decades or a lifetime. We claim any number of birth defects which required surgery, most of which are linked to hermaphroditic gender disorders, and thereby explaining our need for hormones, corrective surgery, or the inability to have children. We simply claim to have been born with a disorder of the sexual organs which have affected our femininity on many levels. We explain that additional surgeries were required. We say that they were botched in our youth and still require attention. We require things like almost daily dilation, regular doctors visits and tests (we don’t tell them they are tests for prostate cancer though), and we use this birth defect to explain why the plumbing is not like the others. And it works.
How do we feel about such things? How do we justify the fact that we should not have to lie about anything anymore but we still do? That is an easy question to answer… we are not really lying. We Sisters were all in fact born with the wrong genitals. And since both male and female genitals are almost exactly the same… ovaries are testicles slightly altered, breasts are almost identical in men and women, the clitoris is a miniature penis… we just had a slight problem with them and had the problem corrected. The lies are in effect half-truths, white lies, or a bending of reality. Well, okay, they are lies when it comes right down to it, but only slightly, and ones we can live with. But the most important thing of it all is that these lies cannot hurt us. These lies cannot come back to haunt us. As long as they are believable and backed by medical procedures and prescriptions, they are truths that never have to be defended, come under suspicion, or destroy our lives or the lives of the ones we love. We explain our masculine features and lack of feminine features by calling upon any number of gender-bending naturally occurring birth defects, some of which we were actually were born with. These lies have no house of cards built upon them.
But a word about reality again: At some point in a relationship, most Sisters feel that they have to tell their mate about their past. Not because they want to, that is the last thing they want to do, but because they honestly feel that they will one day get caught if they don’t. If a relationship is strong enough, at some point they feel that something will give them away and it is best to tell them before that actually happens. It may be their physical bodies, it may be a paper trail of some kind, it may be the way they lived their past, it may be family, friends, or enemies, or it may be a combination of the above. But few of us can feel truly comfortable or safe enough about our past or our bodies to commit to a long-term relationship or marriage without telling our partners the truth. When does this unhappy point come? Well, we all have our limits to this… most wait until a commitment is spoken or implied, others shortly before or afterwards. In effect, most wait until they feel safe enough in their relationship, until they feel that their love is strong enough to withstand such a blow. And in all honestly, most that have reached this point will admit in private that they either thought their partner already knew or suspected the truth anyway.
What do I mean by this? Well, most Sisters by now have felt a man casually reach for certain parts of their bodies so many times throughout their lives that they know what they are doing, whether or not their partners admit it or not. They sneak a feel at our arms, sideburns, or chins, trying to see how much of a beard or hair they can feel, or they fumble around our vaginas looking for any abnormality. As we lay in a nightgown next to them, they study our shoulders or lack of hips or rear end. They look, they wonder, and they think. Do they know? And many times such suspicion manifests itself in speech, words, phrases, ideas, or comments that in some form or another make us suspect that they suspect. We sooner or later realize that most of them suspect. And some of them always have, whether or not they admit it to us or not. And some do not care. They met us, suspected from the start, neither party said a word, and love and a relationship happened anyway. By the time we tell them, many just admit that they always knew or suspected and did not care, and life goes on. But to a Sister, this in itself has traumatic results... once the cat is out of the bag, it is an anvil waiting to drop, a weapon to be used in future arguments, and a reason for a split, a divorce, or worse. We know that no matter what the circumstances, no matter what comes out of "the talk", that once the truth is out, we will no longer feel safe in the relationship. This is a very heavy price to pay for being born into the wrong body... long after a relationship is forged and cemented, even when they suspect or claim not to care... the threat of the eventual damage the truth can cause often keeps us quiet about the entire thing, and all we do is wait for the inevitable end. Whether it comes or not. It is truly scary, and traumatic. And for a very good reason...
For some partners, the immediate or eventual suspicion of our past is a cesspool of anger and resentment, slowly fermenting, slowly building up, and slowly turning a once happy and fruitful relationship sour, miserable, and totally unbearable over many years. They begin to slip with "he's" and "him's" like we used to hear and hate from days long past. They begin to eye other women and speak of them as "real" women, and they begin to think of you, treat you, and speak of you as less than a woman, and begin to blame the relationship troubles, problems, real and imagined, on your past. Many times, no matter how strong the relationship was, no matter how much they suspected from the beginning, once the truth is out, both you and the relationship are doomed. So when do you tell them? Do you tell them? Ever? What will the result be? What will the eventual result be? What is the answer? Every one of us looks at this particular problem differently, and every one of us handles it differently, just know that there are very few end results of "the talk"... either they always knew and never cared, either they always suspected and will never care, or they always suspected and will care, or it comes as a complete shock and they will never care, or it comes as a complete shock and the relationship is ended, amicably or not. But the stark reality of this entire situation is that no matter how the relationship started, or how it will react to the news, stealth is no longer an option in life. He or she now knows, and now there is one more human being in the world that knows, and one more chance that the secret can become widespread, harmful, or bothStealth is a difficult point to reach, it is rare, and it is an illusion. You, like the rest of us, will deal with this difficult proposition when you feel it is safe to do so, whatever that point in time is for you. But the odds are that you will in fact reach that point in time sooner or later in your journey, and like most of the rest of us, due to our physical limitations or the realities of the new world.
The New Life
By this time in your transition, it has become painfully obvious that you must do many uncomfortable things to maintain the illusion of stealth. Most of us fight the recurring problems by moving, and moving often. Long ago we cleaned our houses of any incriminating evidence, destroying or throwing away any and all documents, no matter how important to us, which had any link to our past lives or previous name. And that includes legal documents, medical records, transcripts, paperwork, letters, anything and everything that could give us away. We are older now and contemplate what will happen after our impending death. We destroy literally anything that can point to us having been born a man, including prized and cherished items from our childhood, legal and medical documents that may be required at some point, any of which can result in a most embarrassing obituary. We throw a lot of things away. And we learn to live with few possessions.
A Sister is ready at a moments notice to pack up everything she has and move to another city. All she owns can fit in the back of a U-Haul. Many of us keep a massive stash of boxes, tape, and blankets around. We move, and we move often. We are not afraid of it, we expect it, and we are prepared for it. When things get tough, we simply move again and start all over. And we really do reinvent ourselves.
Some of us learned many years ago to stop claiming family and children. After years of telling the lies, pretending to be a mother instead of a father, pretending to be a wife instead of a husband, pretending to be a sister or daughter instead of a brother or son, that it was best if we just shut up about it all. If you have siblings, you have to keep track of the lies you tell. If you claim children, you have a lot to explain, especially why you do not see them or talk to them any more. I mean, really, are you going to sit around with a bunch of your female friends in your old age and jump in the conversation when they all begin to reminisce about their experiences giving birth to their children? At some point, you simply begin to deny their existence. Hopefully your parents understand by now or will at least go along with the game if you bring your new husband home, but all those other people can really get you in trouble. If your parents are still alive, they are all you claim only because you have to! Anyone can be childless or an only child, but all of us need parents. So you simply deny the others existence. Long ago we became orphans, the only child, and threw away or hid the family photo albums. Any one story about these people can easily trip you up, expose the truth, and destroy your world.
So, stealth is an illusion. And very often, a healthy one! But you are reading this book to see if there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, so let’s move on. The big question summoned up by this portion of the book is this: what is life like for those who have achieved total stealth?
The only answer to that question is this: it is no better or no worse than any other woman’s life. Your problems have not gone away, they simply have changed a bit. Just like anyone else’s.
The New Roller Coaster
The answers to everyone’s questions as pertaining to the subject matter of stealth relies heavily upon an unknown quantity, that of real women who have achieved it but who refuse to talk about it because they will no longer be stealth once they go on record. In other words, you may never get your answers. Here is what I can tell you…
They are out there. I personally know them, and I have heard from them during the course of the many years it took to write this book. But stealth is absolutely no guarantee of success. Many still commit suicide, and not for the same reasons those in earlier stages of the transition do. Here, loneliness is the main culprit. Funny, you would say, that women who have achieved the ultimate goal, would find themselves lonely to the point of suicide, but read on. You want to know what life is like after going stealth? Here is the bulk of it…
The stark reality of stealth is that in order to achieve it, you literally have to give up everything. And yes, that began the day your bell went off, but it takes time to transition and to reach the point where you can disappear, five years at least for the luckiest and richest of us, but ten years or even longer is the norm for the majority of us. It is a long and eventful journey where death and destruction follow at every turn, mixed with all the brightness of new adventures and the ultimate reward of reliving everything in life for the first time though the eyes and heart of one who appreciates it more than any genetic woman ever can. But as years pass, those things you left behind change from memories to ghostly images, they turn from things you did to survive into things that are an embarrassment or shameful now. Lost careers, lost years, forgotten family, a lifetime of regret, anger, frustration, and resentment. Children grow and marry, and your children raise your grandchildren who never even know your name, your face, the love you carry in your heart for them, or the sorrow etched into every growing wrinkle on your face.
At some point in your early transition, you become used to loss, regret, and shame, and you get over it and face the trials ahead with vigor and a renewed energy. Life continually beats you down but you get up again and again, like a determined prize fighter with too much pride to admit defeat, and somehow you move to the next level, only to go through it all over again. But if you are one of the few to reach stealth, you have two major problems to deal with… that of the new roller coaster, and that of endless days of loneliness.
Your new roller coaster has already been described to you for the most part, that of your past catching up to you somehow, and usually through electronic means, your own physical limitations, or a chance meeting of an old acquaintance. But think about this… each new roller coaster you get on through this lifelong journey presents you with less downs and more ups, but though the downs are fewer, they increase in severity with each passing day. The longer you are stealth, the more you have to lose.
In the early days of the initial transition, and in those dark days of rejection after so much work in the latter stage, it is easy to look ahead to those days of stealth and dream of better times. It is easy to fall for the illusion that stealth holds more joy than it does pain. Well, if you get clocked at age 42 one week after you have gone full time, it hurts. And when you get clocked after three months have passed without getting clocked, you certainly are in for a good, desperate cry. But get clocked ten years after your new life began, a full ten years since anyone knew. Ten years into a marriage, ten years in a new family, ten years into a steady job, ten years after feeling safe, happy, and secure in a new life with new friends, a new city, and a new career you started from scratch. Yes, this roller coaster has a million ups for every down, but those downs are always looming, and they are many times more destructive. Live with that hanging over your head every day and the memories of you contemplating suicide way back in the day when you were still wearing a wig pales in comparison.
Think of it this way… when you first transitioned, you knew you were stepping into a boxing ring. You got hit and you got hit often and in rapid succession. It hurt, but you were expecting it and you were ready for it. These days, the boxing ring is a mere memory. You are walking down the street whistling to yourself, proud of all you have built, and then, from a blind side it comes, just as hard as any punch thrown in the ring back in the old days. But this time, you were not ready for it, you were not protected, you were more vulnerable. This is the sort of punch that can kill. It can kill you and a lifetime of work and dreams, all with one single blow. And you are older now, with less time for recovery. Packing up and starting a new life in a new town with the prospect of a new marriage is a bleak proposition at best.
The Daily Grind
What is life in stealth mode like? Well, first of all, it is just as normal as any woman’s life, for all its good and bad. Second, it is more frightening than at any other time in your transition… the more you gain, the more you have to lose. And when we lose, suicide is a viable option, a clear way out of the embarrassment, and towards the end of a life as it is in most cases, nothing more than speeding up the inevitable.
So, those who have made it, what do they do? That’s easy… rather than move to yet another town and start all over again, they move to another town and take less risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And nothing gained means less to lose. Most successful Sisters simply create a world around them that is so small that no family, few friends, and few new adventures are a part of it. They become recluses, afraid of their own shadows… they become hermits in a very large and scary world.
The reality of the illusion of stealth is that to reach it, maintain it, and keep it virtually means that every tie to your past world needs to be broken, forgotten, and abandoned. It means a constant state of deprivation, loneliness, and is void of any risk taking, new adventures, or new relationships. For the vast majority of the women who attain the coveted stealth mode, a quiet, solitary, boring and often lonely existence defines their world. And the reason? The more you do with your life, the more you open yourself up to destruction. If you want stealth, prepare yourself early on.
You can think of it as early retirement. Once you have gone through the motions of the transition and changed all you can, and assuming that you do indeed pass, the Holy Grail of the transition can be in reach as long as you prepare for it properly. Find a city you can live in for the rest of your life and move there. Find a job in that city that you can live with for the rest of your life and make it work. Make friends and find lovers that you can lie to for the rest of your life. And never, ever admit to your past, or put yourself into a position where your past can bite you. No old friends, no family, and no other Sisters. And no paperwork, no children’s macaroni flowers, and no medical records. And no old photographs, no wild stories, and no new adventures… nothing. Absolutely nothing that can hurt you. Leave it all behind and live out the rest of your life quietly as the woman you were born to be.
World travel is most likely out. Financing a new home is out. Doing anything with your life that may require a serious background check is out. Telling a friend is out. If you want stealth, you not only need to cut every tie from your previous life, but you will need to cut every tie to your current life as well. If you want stealth, think of it as preparing yourself to retire, regardless of your age. If you plan it exactly as you would an actual retirement, you will succeed.
So what is life like for a stealth sister? It’s quiet. Very, very quiet. Most of us quietly move through life in a very small world where nothing much ever happens. If things happen, things buried can come to light. So nothing much ever happens, we make sure of that. We have a few close friends, even fewer family, the television, movies, quiet dinners, our memories, and our sanity. So even if you have reached the ultimate goal and became stealth which in itself is very rare, by any measure, you are one quiet, boring, lonely, hermit living pretty much in solitude, isolation, and seclusion.
Let’s face it, a real Sister is a survivor. A real Sister is bold, creative, alive, strong, and very, very adventurous. Can we retire so easily? Especially if we are young, or young at heart, as most of us are? No. I am not saying that you actually need to retire, though most of us do. What I am saying is that you need to prepare your life in stealth mode as if you were actually going to retire. Make it stable. Make it something you can live with for a long time. Make it real. Make it a real possibility. It can be done. And once you do it, once you do it right for the first time, then you are in a position with the tools and knowledge to do it again and again, in a different town and job and relationship if you have to. But it can only be done right if you actually prepare yourself for retirement. Simply create a life where every aspect of it is so stable that there is no reason for a background check of any kind… business, financial, or personal. If people have no reason to look, then they will never find a thing.
But… is it worth it?
Well before I answer that question, let me tell you a bit more about the life of a stealth sister. In all actuality, it is no better or no worse than any elderly female living out her last few productive decades! There are clear differences as most slip further and further into a life of solitude and seclusion, but in effect, we simply live as any other woman does. Sometimes it is boring and lonely, other times it can be exciting and fresh. No real difference here, but there are a few exceptions.
The very nature of the typical transsexual is quite different from the typical GG. As a group, we are much more artistic, creative, outspoken, daring, fun-loving, and adventurous than other women. And after all, if we are one of the few to go through such dramatic, remarkable, and impossible changes, and come out not only alive, but thriving, how on earth can we so easily slip into seclusion and solitude? Well, all that aside, we do. All the time.Some of us claim it is the fight itself. After so many rounds in the boxing ring, we just get tired. Others claim that after living two full lives, they just get tired. And some of us claim that all the worrying about being found out is just too tiring. I suspect it is a combination of all of this and more, since there is one constantly, recurring theme: that of our memories. You see, even those of us who "make it" by anyone's standards... the perfect looking, perfect sounding women who lead perfect lives, have our memories. They never leave us. We grow sick and tired of those getting their GRS and claiming to have reached a nirvana, who want to celebrate their new "womanhood", and who think that installing a vagina on themselves has "cured" them of their past. Far too many Sisters get the surgery and think it is all over for them. No, not quite. Reaching stealth only means that they never have to explain themselves except when that time is right in a relationship, whether with a partner or friend. And even though many of us so hide from the world afterwards this moment may not ever come, we still have our memories. We lay at night, in our beds, and remember. We remember times, places, dates, faces, words, arguments, problems, people, friends, family, and these scenes run through our heads from earliest memory to the day we die, each recanting a time gone by, a life now dead, that it was all a reality at some time. A stark, vivid reality full of lies and deception, regret and pain, fear and anger, love and laughter, fun and growth, change and rebirth, that will never, ever go away. How on earth can a simple genital surgery wipe all of that out? How can getting a piece of paper make us stop remembering who we once were, what we once did, and what we once said? How can that ghost ever, ever go away? It can't.We can make it, yes. We can reach stealth, yes, but at what price? Has all that each of us given up to get there ever go away? Do the faces of our young children ever grow up? We are haunted by our past, forever. It never leaves us alone in peace. So you want to know why we slip into seclusion after reaching such a safe place as stealth? Ghosts. Ours and others we knew. The ghosts keep us in hiding. The ghosts make sure that we never fool ourselves into believing that we are really women. The ghosts keep our heads in reality, our feet safely on the ground, and our lives one of quiet normalcy. That is the constant. That is the recurring theme of all of the older Sisters. They calm us, they remind us, and they temper us. Combine that with all the other things that effect any older woman, and you get a quieter, less explosive existence. Finally!And so our memories combine with the realities of getting older and wiser, and with the realities of the modern world, to force ourselves into an acceptance of sorts... that we are not women, that all the surgeries in the world and all the new memories and experiences, that nothing can hide the truth about our existence... that we were women born into male bodies, and that is all.
Forty years after reaching stealth, we still dream of ourselves as men half the time, we still fear being found out as we did the first time we stepped out in heels, and we still feel awkward when among strangers. If you are reading this and hoping for that happy ending, sorry, none exists. I know that you can find successful, stealthy Sisters out there who will claim none of this as part of their psyche, but they are in denial for selfish reasons. No surgery, no experience, and certainly no words can deny that they have these same memories and fears, even after all this time. The honest ones, the ones you need to know exist, still have these dreams and fears. As does any older human who has lived a full life or two. And so will you.But what of other peculiarities of the life of a stealth Sister? Well, we do things that no genetic woman ever will, that is for certain. For instance, a Sister seeks out and finds others who are beginning their transition and helps guide them through it.
In fact, we actively seek them out. We do not place an ad on the net or in the newspaper that reads, “Beginning transsexuals wanted for tutoring”, but we know where to look. Sometimes we troll the internet and find them, quietly offering our help and guidance. Other times we go to gay bars or drag bars and look for that “deer caught in the headlight” look and ask them over to our table. And other times we run into them in real life, in shopping malls, our hairdressers, or elsewhere as we move quietly through our lives. We pull them aside, but we do not teach them how to walk, talk, or dress like a girl, that is what crossdressers do for each other at their monthly meetings. No, we pull them aside and simply let them know that they are not alone. We listen to them, let them cry on our shoulders, give them their first perfume, give them money, appliances, and clothing. We help them make that fresh start. We use our strength and wisdom to gently push them in the direction they need to go. We teach them the hard-won lessons of our lives, prepare them for what they must do and what they must face, and we love them through it all. We replace our lost children and families with up and coming Sisters, we forge new and lasting relationships and friendships with them, and simply be there for them as they stumble through this new, difficult, and daunting life. And we counter the damage done by the backwards activists that shout ignorance at them relentlessly through the media.
At this point in our lives, we have grown to detest the activists and those trannies that have taken control of representing us on public forums. We refuse to go see tranny movies, do not watch tranny reality shows, and we avoid tranny documentaries like the plague. By this time in our lives, we know painfully well that all of it is bullshit. We have lived the life. We went stealth on our own. We did not go on television and whisper to a camera, “shhh, don’t tell anyone I am a transsexual” that was filming a show to be aired to the world about the life of a transsexual. We had no crutches, we abandoned the safety net of tranny groups, and simply lived our lives as women. At this point in our lives, we have grown to hate the activists, and they have grown to hate us.
They are stuck in a world that defines them, we make our own way as women. They scream about tranny rights while we are granted the rights any other woman has. They complain about acceptance and violence towards them while we are raped, stalked, and hurt like all women are. They have chosen the life of a coward while we brave out the real world as real women. And we both fight for the souls of the up and coming generation. They do it while making stupid movies, websites, reality dating shows, and documentaries, and we do it by quietly showing them that a life of normalcy can be had, but it takes time, patience, courage, and determination. We show them it can be had, but at a price. They shout at them, we take them in and nurture them. But at this point, something else needs to be made very clear.
The activists honestly think that they are affecting real change in the world, and that infuriates the rest of us. There are no tranny rights, only women’s rights and human rights. There are no transsexuals, just those that are moving through the transition and soon to become women. The rest are just men in drag. Yet the fight is on. But let’s get something straight right now. If you have made it this far in your transition and have become stealth or something real close to it, then you already know what only another Sister can know and something that the silly activists can never comprehend… that more change is made quietly by the silent 85% than all the rhetoric, websites, tv shows, and movies combined by a very wide margin. What do I mean?
Well first off, the activists do bring about change, they do change minds, but at best, only half of it goes in their favor. With all they do, by pretending to represent all of us, half of what they do changes minds to our side, and half of it only serves to further reinforce in the mind of the world that trannies are just that… men in drag. They take the attitude that if one mind is changed and one mind is lost, then they are in fact doing good for all trannies. Well, first off, no war can be won with an even exchange of loss, and second, they simply assume that all of us are trannies, just that some of us refuse to "come out" as they have. No, they are trannies, we are women. They are only doing good (at an even rate I remind you) for other trannies… effectively, only 15% of all of us. Just because they are loud does not make them right. The rest of us quietly change the world in ways they cannot possibly comprehend, or do themselves. How? Mostly by just being women.
Think about one, single example. Let’s take an office environment such as a bank. On the day after a tranny documentary was aired, people that work at the bank are gathered together and discussing it. The conversation becomes animated as it would anywhere else in the world today. They make fun of the linebacker who claimed to be a woman while driving a tractor, point out the ridiculous make-up on the other tranny, and poke fun at them all in nervous, self-reflecting tones with underlying sexual insecurities. Then a woman quietly speaks up, “You know, a woman was in here the other day, real normal and everything, and she was opening up a new account. I never suspected, but when I pulled up her records, her old name appeared and it was a man’s name. She said it was her many years ago, before she transitioned. She looked normal to me.”
And a hush falls over the water cooler…
Now, I am not saying that this alone will change their minds, but tens of thousands of times things like this happen every day in this country. Remember back in the beginning of this book I closed the first chapter by saying that you can change minds one at a time with quiet dignity, class, and pride? By living your life as a woman with a quiet dignity whether you pass or not? That you will eventually be accepted as a woman even if you are that linebacker in a dress if you truly are a woman inside? Now, compare that with the utter disgrace of a celebrity tranny making a movie where other trannies play with dildos at a "pussy party", or a television show which exploits a famous tranny and films her throwing chairs at someone who clocked her. Let’s see, a quiet, dignified encounter with a transsexual as they pass through their daily routine, or a “woman” who proudly proclaims that she will keep her penis while orating about her angry vagina… hmmmmm… let’s see now… which is more effective at bringing about the proper changes needed? A tranny having her own dating reality show in which she dates gay men while her tranny girlfriend is on set? Or a macho male watching quietly as a classy transsexual passes in front of him at a mall or diner? Duh.
The stark reality you come to see very clearly as you reach this phase of life is that the tens of thousands of quiet encounters that help change minds every day in this country can be overturned and tossed aside by one, ignorant statement or action performed in the media by a professional tranny that professes to represent us all. And, it get worse. Much worse.
We are doctors, lawyers, and pilots, not just nurses, office girls, and flight attendants. We are professional musicians, artists, and photographers. We inhabit every facet of life and we did so with the full knowledge of millions of people who know about our past as we got there, from our families and friends, to those who have seen their way to overlooking the defect we were born with and come to know and love us. Not only are we politicians, judges, and policymakers, but we are also the best friends of, advisors to, and married to those who can effect real change. The quiet 85% do more to effect change in this country by simply going through their normal routine with silent grace, dignity, and pride than any loud-mouthed activist fighting for the rights we have already gained in this world. And they destroy them with every crash, brash, loud, misguided accusation of cruelty, discrimination, and false pride they inflict upon the world.
To the many of us who have faded into and become the very fabric of society, the rights we have quietly bought and paid for with our very blood, sweat, and tears, are being threatened by this abomination of false representation. We are women, and the activists claim to be, but through their actions and intentions, what we have may not be what future generations will have… the right to quietly live our lives, marry, and legally become women. You cannot define the “rights” of a transsexual without first defining what a transsexual is. If the activists have their way, what a transsexual is will have to be defined by courts of law. And since mostly drag queens, trannies, and Sisters that were forced out of a life of stealth run the current political climate, it is they who will insist on becoming a part of that definition. That scares the hell out of the rest of us, the silent majority. The last thing we all need is to be represented by this cowardly bunch of trannies while we are outed involuntarily, and defined by them, Bible-thumping old men in black robes, and the media.
Look, activism is great. With the proper guidance and intentions, it can be a positive force in this world. But the very nature of transsexualism, and by that I mean that the only acceptable end result for a transsexual is stealth and simply being a woman, leaves the door wide open for those who are not women to define our world for us. We earned stealth. We earned a quiet life. We earned the right to live as normally as possible, as normal women. We don’t want, or need, trannies speaking for us. Speak for yourselves, leave us alone, and do not repeat the failures of your predecessors. If you are women, shut the fuck up and be women. The rest of us will quietly live out our days, and we will compete heavily for the souls of the up and coming generation. You do it with idiotic representations in the media, we will do it with quiet whispers, dearly gained knowledge, knowing smiles from across a room, and real honest to God courage. And may the best woman win.
A Sister’s View
A Sister’s view of the world is amazingly simple. They were not born a transsexual, they were born a woman. Once their bell went off, they had no choice. They dropped everything they knew, loved, and were comfortable with, regardless of the consequences, and ventured into the unknown. Against all odds, they successfully transitioned and during that time were transsexuals, but once the transition was completed, they simply were women. Women are born, they are not created. And a woman does not have a penis. “Transsexual” means to change sexes, and you cannot change sexes if you keep your penis. If you are a transsexual, then change sexes already. It is just a temporary state. If you are anything else, then call yourself what you truly are… a man, a crossdreser, a transvestite, a drag queen, a shemale, a gender fuck… whatever. But a transsexual actually changes sexes and has no other label than “woman” once the process is complete. Anyone can take hormones, install boobs, and change their name to Susie. You can install a pussy on a watermelon, but that don’t make it a woman and it damned sure don’t make it my Sister!
We know what many of the newcomers refuse to believe or are incapable of understanding at first… that the road is hard, difficult, dangerous, lonely, and full of disappointment. But if you are a woman, then be a woman and damn the consequences no matter the cost. There is no easy road, no simple way, and no way to avoid the dangers, heartache, disappointment, and loss. It is all entirely unavoidable. We are tired of hearing that a job and family keeps women from being women. No they don’t… they keep men from becoming one. We know that most activists choose that route because they see it as easier, but we also know that the vast majority abandon it in a very short period of time. An activist is a flash in the pan, unless a huge ego, money, or circumstances beyond their control forced them into it.
We set out to effect change on a daily basis, in small, seemingly insignificant ways throughout our journey. We set out to effect change on a larger scale by seeking out, finding, and helping those in need quietly. And we set out to effect change on a massive scale by becoming the wives, partners, companions, lovers, coworkers, employers, and friends of those in a position to actually change laws. And we know that this, too, is a long, dangerous, difficult, and sometimes painful thing to do. We know that things will change in due time, that human sexuality is complicated and there is no such thing as a gender identity disorder. And we know that the world knows it… it will just take more time before they accept it and deal with it openly.
But to get back to the question, “Is it worth it?” Well hon, was everything else you have done up to this point worth it? Are you a woman or someone just playing one? For a Sister, there is no sacrifice too great. None. You will do whatever you have to do to reach your final destination, just as you always have. If you reach a point where you stop in life, never reaching the coveted stealth mode, then perhaps you never should have began the journey in the first place. There is only one destiny for a transsexual… to finish what nature started and live quietly as a woman. Just like the other three billion women out there. If that is not your goal, if you have no intention of reaching that place, then most likely you are not a transsexual, not a Sister, and you may wish to rethink your entire life, past, present, and future.
But if you are, then welcome to the world we all have known for millennia… it can be done but it is difficult and painful. We are out there, and we help each other. With a quiet dignity and grace. It can be done no matter how difficult or impossible it seems at the moment. Just remember… no matter what… it can be done.
And the final thought: If you have or if you wish to attain stealth as a woman, then this entire book boils down to one thought and one thought alone… you are and never were anything more than just another one of the three billion women out there. If you have taken this road, or are intending to, all you can ever hope to achieve after all your work, money, pain, loss, suffering, and effort, is at the very best, a level playing field. That is all we are, and that is all you are… just another woman out there mucking your way through life. No pot of gold, no Holy Grail, so special prize… just the simple, honest, and very well earned goal of womanhood. Nothing more, and nothing less, awaits you.
A Personal Note From the Author
A shortened version of the first chapter of this book has been online for years. It has been accessed over 20 million times. It has been translated into over a dozen languages, used by countless groups, educators, therapists, doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists all over the world. I have heard three negative comments so far… from two 20-somethings and from one life-long activist. I am going to get a little personal right now, because now that the full version is going live, I expect a lot of ridiculous mail.
I wrote this for one reason and one reason only: To help others. I get thousands of e-mails, almost all positive, but I cannot answer them all. I have only answered those that wish to spread it around the globe in an effort to expand what I started… to get the truth out to those who need it. I apologize in advance if I appear to ignore you and your letter to me. I cannot answer them all, and honestly, I do not want to. I have chosen to publish this book online instead of through normal means. If I published it through a regular publisher, I would not be allowed to speak the truth so honestly, and since it’s only purpose is to help those few in need, I chose not to gain financially or otherwise from it. I wish to remain as anonymous as possible, as anonymous as the world will allow me to be. This work is copyrighted, so if you wish to use some or all of it, write and ask please.
I do not care to hear that this entire work or parts of it are only my opinion. No, it isn’t. It is what the vast majority of Sisters have experienced, that is all. Take it or leave it. I have said all I wish to say and though I may update it from time to time, I will let the work stand on it’s own merits. It is not my opinion and I will prove it. If it were my opinion, I would state things such as the following:
I don’t think any transsexual ever lived who fucked a man in the ass. I don’t think that any transsexual ever existed that did drag shows. I don’t think any transsexual ever let work or family stop them from going full time. I think that fully half of the people that get the GRS are anything but a Sister. I think that all activists have something to hide from themselves. In my opinion, transsexuals take the easy way out by becoming lesbians, and activists. And in my opinion, transsexuals should not compete against genetic girls in sports competitions unless they are not known as a transsexual but simply as women.
There, there are some of my opinions, and I have many, may others as you all do. I have tried to keep my opinions and those of others out of this work. I will stand by the words written down here… that they are the truthful representation of the majority of the Sisters experiences. Not everything fits every one, not all of it fits me, but again, I will let it stand on it’s own.
And finally, I wish to thank the many Sisters who contributed to this work through their example, ideas, and words, and especially those who let me borrow their unique wording and phrases which so cleverly and distinctly sum up many of the ideas in this book which continually repeat themselves throughout. And I wish to express my deepest love and respect to those that came before me, helped me, and loved me through it all. This work is my way of paying you back, by helping those that will come after us. It is my deepest wish that this book survive us all and is passed on to those thinking about or who are starting their own transition. I encourage all of you to pass it on to as many of them as you know. If you do not agree with all of it (and no one does, including me) then pass it on and follow up with your own guidance. Live well, live with grace, dignity, and pride… and teach.